Years ago I blogged weekly, then it became monthly. Like in many things that feel good but require discipline – meditation, writing, exercise – my practice has become slapdash. Laziness is the only reason. My alarm goes off at 5:30 AM just like it did when I diligently got up to write the first draft of my memoir for more than a year without missing a day. Yes, I did do that, I remind myself. Now I hit snooze and seize an extra 15 minutes of slumber – about 3 times before getting up – now with only enough time to get ready for work.
There’s another reason why I posted less: self-doubt. Is this interesting to you? Am I being self-indulgent sharing on here? Do I think I’m Karl Ove Knaussgard or something? I’ve abandoned many drafts with this kind of thinking, wrestling with why should I blog? Why I should even write anything, anywhere – period?
Yet I like knowing about my fellow human’s day-to-day lives – moments, glimpses, meanderings. What are they thinking and talking about, what are they eating? Reading? What’s the view from their window when they woke in the night, the encounter on the street they live on? Who do they live with? What we each do with our time on this planet fascinates me. As my own time grows shorter, even more. So what the hell.
Here’s the thing: my aspirations and illusions are few but I like writing. The process helps me think and when it’s good, I feel as if I’m wake-dreaming or something. And in this space I have both my beautiful solitude and a community, connection. And I want to get my writing muscle back and I know that exercise is the only way. So I’m going to do that here by making myself accountable to this space and you.
I’ve become less inclined to raise my hand to challenges, less willing to push myself out of my comfort zone. And every time I hit ‘publish’ it’s a little bit of that jump off the cliff. In that spirit, as well to get my writing discipline back, I’m going to (try) to blog daily. Not long pieces, just something every day. I haven’t figured out the particulars yet, morning or night and what and all that. We’ll see.
I am inspired by a wonderful author, blogger and champion of other writers Cynthia Newberry Martin who wrote about one true thing about herself every day for a year. She too wanted to push herself out of her comfort zone. I looked forward to and loved reading those daily posts and remember the pleasure and interest I took, years later. (Check them out here.)
So now I’ve written what I’m committing to, I’ve dilly-dallied and edited all day, anything to avoid actually posting this. But I’m ready to close out an Easter Sunday of rain and clouds, flashes of sun with a glorious finale sunset – by going ahead with a promise and ‘publish’. Thanks for reading.
Hooray! I look forward to reading. I’m also going to check out the daily truths. ❤️
Self-doubt is a demon, that’s for sure. I’d keep writing, anyway….
Good for you Tricia. Do it!
You just crawled inside my head and read my mind. I’ve been struggling with the same feelings for months now but have not had the discipline or wherewithal to return to blogging. Mostly it’s the same question – who really cares? – that obstructs me. But then I see one of your missives in my inbox and eagerly open it. I’m curious, too – about you and every other blogger I follow. You enrich my life and thoughts. I’ll be dusting off the Word Press log in and trying to get back into it now – you’ve inspired me!
Well you’re certainly an inspiration too, Jess – juggling your 3 gals plus commute and full day of work and seizing your writing with beauty and grace.
Thanks for that encouragement! And your regular inspiration.
I miss you! xxx
It’s so interesting in your head! Profound but fun. Thanks for letting me in and yes, I always want to read more of you please.
Yay, Tricia! I’m so excited for you and looking forward to your journey. It’s an amazing thing to commit to and the doing of it is equally amazing–and by that, I mean the daily writing. Hope each day is as wonderful for you as each was for me. I’m also interested to see how the particulars shape up… : ) And thanks for the mention. xo
Everything you said here struck home: the worry about being self-indulgent, the leap in hitting “publish.” For me, there is often a flush of mortification in thinking “who the hell would want to read this?” Sigh. Easy to squelch the impulse. Ann Lamott said, perhaps in “Bird by Bird,” I write because I like it and because I’m good at it. You are certainly the latter and you confessed to the former…so there you go! XXOO
Thanks for that, and coming from you that means a lot!