Crazy Lies

I lie to my dentist. Isn’t that crazy?

My dentist asks ‘Problems with any of your teeth?’ while poking at fillings with the creepy metal hook. I can’t speak with someone’s hand in my mouth. I answer with a negative uh-uh grunt and immediately a wave of heat shoots through me because I’m lying. I almost never lie. There is a tooth that bothers me and has for at least 3 of my past visits  – that’s every six months thanks to my good insurance that covers 2 cleanings a year. I never miss one.

I’m not exactly in pain but I often have a weird metallic taste in my mouth that I suspect is my ancient mercury filling leaching out from a crack in one of my bottom molars. The taste is unpleasant and some days, especially when I can’t stop worrying the damn thing with my tongue, it starts to hurt a bit. Why do I lie about it like some sneaky third grader?

Part of it is the money. I suspect that there’s not enough tooth left to be fill-able so I’ll need a crown and I gather those aren’t cheap. But hell, I recently shelled out almost 2K to replace an oil tank for my house which was depressing because there’s so much this old place needs and you can’t even see the thing. Not like the windows or a new garage door that would be nice but are not urgent. There was no question of risking a basement full of oil so I sucked it up and took care of business. I need to do the same for my mouth.

Usually, when I know there’s potential physical pain or trouble ahead I strike preemptively. I had my wisdom teeth out a few years ago because of signs of decay not because they hurt but because I knew they eventually might. And when there was something suspicious on one of my ovaries I had them out without a second thought rather than dilly-dally with tests. (it was nothing – both the thing and the surgery) Surely it’s just a matter of time before what now feels unpleasant becomes excruciating? What if that’s during the early hours of a Sunday morning when no dentist can be found?

Like everybody else on the planet, I hate, hate, hate getting dental work. It’s all I can do to get through the scraping part of a cleaning. My dread of dentist has given me excellent oral hygiene that wins me praise when I’m in the chair. I didn’t mind getting my wisdom teeth out because it didn’t involve any high pitched drill noises or smells of smoking tooth. (And he gave me laughing gas.)

I have a dentist appointment in about a month. This time, I’ll tell the truth. And ask for drugs.

What crazy lies do you tell?

6 thoughts on “Crazy Lies”

  1. Who doesn’t going to the dentist (and—yikes!—the bill)?

    I tell some whopper lies to my boss. I’m a manager at a museum and she has a lot of meetings where she obsessively discusses the staff dress code. I pretend like I’m really concerned about so and so’s outfit when actually I thought they looked nice.

  2. Ha,ha,ha,ha…. too funny.. well as a dental professional, I’m very happy to hear u never miss your 6 m check up… I know most folks hate going to the dds , I hear it at least 5 times a day…. lol… I’m glad u r going to have it treated as it will only get worse then u would really hate your experience…now let me see about lying… mmmmm , I really can remember my last 1! Let me give it some thought and get back to u… hehehe… good luck with your upcoming appointment.

  3. So funny, so timely, to read this as I just spent two hours in the dentist chair for a temporary crown and will be back there to get the permanent one in three weeks. I DID say to the dentist as he was vigorously drilling away (or at least I said it to the best of my ability), “You could make a fortune if you invent a drill that makes a different sound…maybe plays music?” Actually, my dentist is great and we had a fun, enjoyable chat – with my part drooly and garbled of course. And we DID talk about the suffering our ancestors must have endured before the blessing of novocaine. As far as lies, if I have a health concern, usually it is a FEAR by the time I get my butt to the doctor and I’m past lying …I just want reassurance. I don’t want you to get that Sunday morning stab of tooth pain though! Honesty, my friend! XO

  4. Oh do I hear you on the oil tank. They scare the hell out of you with threats of leaks and EPA cleanup. Ours didn’t look that bad but why risk it? Spent about the same and seeing the new one all shiny in the basement did nothing to buoy my spirits, not like a new dishwasher or any number of things I want more. But the tooth, well yeah, get that done. I’ve been putting off my first mammogram for almost 2 years now and believe insurance covers it 100%. I know once I do it, I’ll float for a whole day on relief. Your fixed tooth will last much longer and it’s never (usually) anything like we work it up in our heads.

  5. I’m that way with the doctor. Anything to avoid having blood drawn or an injection. I don’t mind the dentist, though. But I only go once every 5 years, and every time, they don’t even need to clean my teeth. One has even told me, “We can’t make a living from people like you.” 🙂 I’ve done oil pulling for years and it’s pure magic for the mouth, sinuses, and overall health. Best of luck with your tooth.

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